Random Pairings
by RuneWitchSakura
Summary: Drew names of random characters from a hat (actually, I had a program called The Hat, do it for me) and then wrote whatever came to mind. Rated M to be safe. Most are humorous.
1. Batch 1: 1-4

**Warnings:** Character Death  
**Notes:** I literally fed a program some of the characters I see myself as able to write from some of my favorite fandoms and had it spit some back out to me as pairings, then used those pairings as a basis for a drabble-ish lengthed story. Number Four got away from me for a while.

This is one of the few stories that I'm keeping open, but feel free to adopt any of these as your own stories.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, or anything related to them.

* * *

**1. Dean Winchester (Supernatural) and Adam (BtVS)**

"But why?" the thing asked. Dean had been hunting the monster that gutted the little kid in Sunnydale. And apparently it was curious about why he hunted.

"Because you're an evil son of a bitch?" Dean answered as if it were obvious. And it was, to him at least.

"You think I'm evil? I merely wish to learn. Do your insides work differently than the boys?"

Dean Winchester had been prepared for a monster. Dean Winchester had even been prepared for a human (there were some sickos out there that he had ended up on the trail of once or twice). But Dean Winchester hadn't been prepared for a hybrid.

The police would find his body two days later. He never found out the name of the thing that killed him - Adam - or that it had been killed days later by Buffy Summers and her friends.

Five years later, when Michael went to him in Heaven and asked him to say yes, Dean agreed on the condition that Michael protect Sam. Michael did. He hid Sam away, and then Michael-in-Dean-Winchester duked it out with Lucifer-in-Adam-Milligan.

Humanity didn't survive - all because Maggie Walsh had to create a Frankenstein-esque monster.

* * *

**2. Peter Pettigrew (Harry Potter) and Warren Mears (BtVS)**

Peter watched with disgust as the kid bragged about killing the Slayer. The Slayer was obviously The Hero of the piece, and there was no way some upstart kid, who couldn't possibly be anything more than a Minion With Slightly More Brains Than Normal, could have killed her.

Minions aren't ever that lucky.

And on the off chance that they are that lucky, The Big Bad would obviously be angry at them, therefore causing them to actually be unlucky (and likely in a great deal of pain and possibly even dead).

Minions really aren't ever lucky at all.

The news came on saying that the girl who had been shot (apparently The Hero in question) had survived. A few days later, Peter heard talk about the kid having been flayed alive, and he shook his head. If the kid wasn't happy with the Minion stick he should have just tried becoming one of The Big Bad's Lieutenants. Attempting to kill The Hero was bad form.

And speaking of being a Lieutenant, Peter had to go find the spirit of Lord Voldemort - his own piece's The Big Bad - and help him back to his body in an attempt to gain favor and a higher place in the ranks of Voldemort's Army of Minions - er - Death Eaters, he meant to say, Death Eaters.

* * *

**3. Lorne (Angel) and Maggie Walsh (BtVS)**

Maggie Walsh hummed as she worked. It was low and quiet and no doubt only someone with super-hearing would be able to hear it. Still, it became quickly obvious to Lorne that he'd have to escape, and soon.

That chick was crazy!

Lorne wanted to be gone before her Frankenstein monster got completed. It wasn't hard to tell the guard's positions. A few of them whistled while making their rounds. Lorne's escape wouldn't be noticed until he was already half-way to LA.

LA couldn't possibly be anywhere near as crazy as Sunnydale.

* * *

**4. Mr. and Mrs. Granger (Harry Potter) and Rei Hino/Sailor Mars (Sailor Moon)**

"Your parents are taking in an exchange student?" Harry asked. Hermione pursed her lips.

"Yes. Though I'm not sure why. It's hard enough keeping quiet about Hogwarts and magic when I'm over at someone else's house, but having someone else - a stranger? - living in our house twenty four-seven. Oh." Hermione groaned. "I'm going to leave something out, I just know it, and then some muggle girl will find out about magic, and I'll have broken the Statute of Secrecy, and then I'll go to Azkaban. Azkaban, Harry!"

"I'm sure it won't be that bad."

"That bad? Azkaban! AZKABAN HARRY!"

"You'll be fine, Hermione. Besides, maybe you'll luck out and the exchange student will already know about magic."

"I'm not that lucky, Harry."

"Well, we're about to find out," Harry said, as the train pulled into King's Cross.

"Wonderful." Hermione continued mumbling about Azkaban as she went to meet her parents.

"Hermione!" her mother called. "Oh, it's so good to see you again dear. This is the girl staying with us. Her name is Rei Hino."

"H-hello," Hermione said, mentally praying she wouldn't end up in Azkaban.

"Hello, Hermione-san," Rei said.

_2 Weeks Later_

"Oh," Mr. Granger said, "Look at what's on the news."

"...a terrorist attack in Little Whining..." the news anchor said.

"Oh no! That's where Harry lives." Hermione said.

"...wooden sticks, robes, and silver masks..."

"Death Eaters! Oh no! Harry could be hurt!"

"...Sailor Mars arrived on the scene..."

"Oh no! That's terrib - wait, what?" Hermione said.

"Sailor Mars stopped a group of terrorists in Little Whining," her father told her.

"Isn't Sailor Mars usually in Japan?"

"Yes, but apparently she's here now. Hey, Rei's from Japan. I wonder if they know each other," Mrs. Granger said. None of the Grangers made any more of a connection between Rei and Sailor Mars.

_A Month and a Half Later_

"Thank you for letting me stay!" Rei said, as they dropped her off at the airport.

"No problem at all dear," Mrs. Granger said. "Now don't be a stranger. You have our number and address, so call and write. We'll add any letter's to Hermione in with the letters we send when she goes off to boarding school."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I wonder if we'll see Sailor Mars on our way home dear," Mr. Granger said, as Rei walked away.

"We're not that lucky dear."

_Three Weeks Later_

It was in the middle of the day during their trip to Diagon Alley, when Death Eaters attacked. The mere sight of the Death Eaters sent witches and wizards running. Mr. Granger however just gasped and pointed behind them.

"Look. It's Sailor Mars! She's here to save us! The Death Eaters didn't even look. They just screamed and apparated away. Two months worth of dealing with Sailor Mars had taught them that immediate flight was better than trying to fight.

"Where? I don't see her," Mrs. Granger said.

"Neither did I," Mr. Granger admitted. "I just wanted to see if that would work."


	2. Batch 1: 5-9

**Notes: **I wrote all fifteen at the same time but tried to keep them kinda even character-wise for posting.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grimm, Harry Potter, Criminal Minds, Sailor Moon, White Collar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or anything related to them.

* * *

**5. Wu (Grimm) and Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)**

Hermione Granger was talking with Rosalee Calvert when Detective Burkhardt brought in the other man.

"He doesn't look so good," Rosalee said.

"I've seen that before. Ginny tried to give Harry a love potion imbedded in some treacle tarts but Ron at them instead. He looked like that."

"I don't suppose you remember the name?" Rosalee said.

"No, but I can call Harry and have him look through my journals to find it."

Three hours later Wu woke up in his apartment with Hermione standing over him.

"Who are you. And why am I in my underwear?" Wu ran out of the room to change.

"Yeah, he'll be fine," Hermione said to herself. "I live a few doors down," she called out. And hadn't that been a surprise to find out. "I found you sleeping against your door."

"In my underwear?" Wu asked, finally emerging, fully dressed, from his room.

"You must of been sleepwalking."

"Yeah, must've," Wu mumbled.

* * *

**6. George Foyet/The Reaper (Criminal Minds) and Ami Mizuno/Sailor Mercury (Sailor Moon)**

Dr. Ami Mizuno had moved to America after going to medical school. Crystal Tokyo wouldn't come for several more decades, so she had the time to travel the world. She was in Boston when the strange man came in to surgery.

All of Ami's previous patients had been easy to heal - one of the magical abilities from her being Sailor Mercury tied in with healing quite well - save for an attempted suicide. The only problem with her healing abilities was that those abilities were tied to free will. If the patient in question hurt themselves on purpose, she couldn't fix it.

So when the stabbing victim, barely alive, came in and her abilities refused to work, Ami was surprised. After stabilizing him, she found out from an FBI Agent that he had been attacked by The Boston Reaper while with his girlfriend. The girlfriend hadn't survived, but he had. It confused her even more.

Perhaps the man had tried to end his life quicker to be with his girlfriend on the other side? That had to have been it, Ami decided. She was a romantic at heart. She would be in a small village in a small country - one of the few actual doctors available there - when the news about George Foyet being the Boston Reaper hit the air.

The news wouldn't make it to the country she was in, and so Ami Mizuno would never know that her 'romantic attempted suicide patient' was actually a psychopathic serial killer.

* * *

**7. Neal Caffrey (White Collar) and Halfrek (BtVS)**

"How did you get the information from the Marshalls?" Peter asked. The thought of Neal having stolen it didn't even cross his mind. He trusted Neal. ...And also had the tracking information from the man's anklet.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Neal said, his head in his arms. He didn't even know the flash drive would have the information he wanted on it when he brought it to Peter's house.

"Try me."

"There was a lady, who asked me what I wanted, and when I said, 'I wish I could find Sam.', she said, 'Wish granted.', and I had the flash drive." The two of them were startled to hear Elizabeth drop a glass.

"El?" Peter asked.

"Are you alright?" Neal asked.

"I'm fine," she said, frowning. "Neal, you met a vengeance demon."

"A what?" Neal and Peter asked.

"We prefer justice demons," a woman said.

"You!" Neal exclaimed.

"Me. Nice to see you again, dear. I'm Halfrek by the way, Justice Demon over Lost Childhoods."

"Vengeance demon," Elizabeth said.

"Potential Slayer," Halfrek said.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Neal asked.

"No idea whatsoever," Peter replied.

* * *

**8. Rupert Giles (BtVS) and Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds)**

Buffy Summers may have been Rupert Giles' first Slayer, but his first Potential had been Emily Prentiss. As an ambassador, Emily's mother already knew of the Watcher's Council, and allowed the man (merely twenty-two at the time) into her entourage.

That didn't mean she liked him.

As soon as Emily turned eighteen (the age where it was accepted a Potential would never become a Slayer), Rupert was sent away. The next time Rupert and Emily would meet would be when the Cleveland hellmouth decided to explode. Both Emily's teammates and Rupert's children (as he referred to Buffy and her friends as) teamed up to stop the demons from pouring out and close the portal.

* * *

**9. Drusilla (BtVS/Angel) and The First Evil (BtVS)**

Drusilla had only been a vampire for a week when she first met herself. Only it wasn't really her, as she was her, not the thing that looked like her. Other-Drusilla put a finger to her lips, smirked, and told her, "Hello Drusilla. I'm Miss Edith."

The First Evil wanted released, and it would be the work of centuries, starting with Angelus' childe.


	3. Batch 1: 10-15

**Warnings: **Character Death, Mentions of Slash  
**Notes:** All done. These fifteen however were only for a test (and then the bunnies bit and I had to write them). I hadn't yet had all my favorite fandoms added. This is the last of the first batch. The next chapter will be labeled with Batch 2 instead.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grimm, Firefly, Angel the Series, Supernatural, White Collar, Harry Potter, NCIS, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or anything related to them.

* * *

**10. Nick Burkhardt (Grimm) and Kaylee Frye (Firefly)**

Nick gasped as he fell out of the machine.

"Well, hi there. I'm Kaylee."

"Nick," he managed to gasp out. "Wha...where?"

"Where are we? No idea. I fell out of the same thing you did 'bout an hour ago. I'm sure my crewmates are tryin' to find me. It'll just be a little while."

"Great."

"So where are you from?"

"Portland." At Kaylee's confused look, he added, "Oregon. United States. Earth?" Kaylee's eyes got wide.

"Earth-that-was?"

"What?" Nick did not squeak that out.

He did not.

...You have no proof.

* * *

**11. Allen Francis Doyle (Angel) and John Winchester (Supernatural)**

John Winchester would have smacked himself if he was alone. Getting caught by a Wendigo. Dean would never let him live it down if he knew. There was another prisoner too. Apparently the Wendigo was collecting them, though it hadn't taken John's weapons or the other man's drink.

Then the man sneezed.

And...things...came out of his skin for a fleeting moment.

"Oh God! Don't shoot!" he screamed when John pulled his gun on him.

"What the hell are you?"

"Half-Brachen! We're peaceful! We're peaceful! Don't shoot me!" The man started sobbing. "Dear God, if you let me survive this, I swear I'll stop drinking. And I'll take Harry to that nice restaurant she likes. I don't want to die!"

John would have rolled his eyes, but the Wendigo had returned with another prisoner.

It would take another two hours, before John managed to kill the Wendigo. The third prisoner had died, but the half-brachen had screamed until John got him out of the cave.

* * *

**12. Peter Burke (White Collar) and Lily Potter (Harry Potter)**

Peter Burke hadn't always lived in America. His mother liked to travel, so their family had moved every few years. He met his first best friend in England when he was sixteen.

Her name was Lily Potter, recently married, and she was several years older than him. She was the first one he told about liking men as well as women. He was the first one she told about being pregnant.

When he turned eighteen in Australia, he first took a flight back to England. He sobbed when he found out she was dead. But then her sister gave him her child, and Harry Potter had the same eyes as his mother.

Harry was eight when Peter met Elizabeth, ten when they married, thirteen when Peter first got put on Neal Caffrey's trail, and nearly old enough to drink when Neal was placed in Peter's custody.

Harry grew up to be a lot like Lily. Peter hoped Harry could be as good a friend to Neal as Lily had been to Peter.

* * *

**13. Jenny Shepard (NCIS) and River Tam (Firefly)**

Jenny Shepard should not have been cloned. She certainly didn't want to be cloned. If the ones who ordered her cloned had truly known what she was like, she never would have been cloned.

But she was cloned.

And she was told to teach River. If cloning her was their first mistake, letting her near River was the second.

"Your sure your brother is coming, but he won't get you out on his own. He'll need your help. I'll teach you to kick their asses."

Jenny and River grinned.

* * *

**14. Angel (BtVS/Angel) and Marie Kessler (Grimm)**

Angel was traveling to Sunnydale - that's were Buffy was now. Naturally, being a vampire, he could only travel by night. He had just managed to duck into this library when the sun had risen.

It was a bad idea.

The librarian wasn't just any librarian. She was Marie Kessler. The one thing almost as scary to a vampire as the Slayer? A Grimm. And there could be more than one of those at a time.

And Marie Kessler was a Grimm.

Angel had no idea. He certainly didn't see any problem turning his back on the older lady - she didn't look that dangerous after all. He was very surprised when she stuck a stake through his heart, but surprise was all he had time to feel as he turned to dust.

* * *

**15. Clem (BtVS) and Angelus (BtVS/Angel)**

Clem screamed in terror.

"You owe me five kittens from that poker game sixty years ago, Clem," Angelus said.

Clem screamed in terror again, threw the basket of kittens at Angelus, and ran away as fast as he could. Perhaps he could find the Slayer and get her to protect him from the vampire.

Angelus caught the basket after it bounced off his face, and contemplated chasing after Clem and killing him (the basket BOUNCED OFF HIS FACE - he couldn't possibly let that pass), but decided against it.

He only needed these last five kittens to buy that statue of Acatha, and Clem would suffer in the new hell-like world once he figured out how to activate it.


	4. Batch 2: 1-6

**Warnings:** Mentions of Slash  
**Notes:** Number 1 is in the same universe as Batch 1's Number 12 (Found in Chapter 3) And Number 5's pairing really was random, I swear.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, White Collar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dragonball, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Gargoyles, Sherlock, or anything related to them.

* * *

**1. Seamus Finnigan (Harry Potter) and Peter Burke (White Collar)**

"Oi! I didn't do nothin'" Seamus exclaimed. "Why is he starin' at me like that?"

"Nothing, Seamus?" Harry asked, amused. "You asked me to the Yule Ball. He's my dad. He's probably going to give you some talk about how if you ever hurt me he'll hunt you down and do countless terrible unmentionable things to your body after he kills you."

"What?" Seamus squeaked in terror.

"Mr. Finnegan," Peter Burke said, clapping the Irish boy on the shoulder, causing him to let out another squeak. "We need to have a talk."

"Y-yes sir."

* * *

**2. Augusta Longbottom (Harry Potter) and Joyce Summers (BtVS)**

"Oh, isn't it wonderful," Joyce said, watching Neville and a very pregnant Buffy over her teacup.

"Yes, very. I thought for sure I'd have to practically tie the boy to a girl to get some great-grandbabies and he goes and surprises me by bringing home a girl on his own," Augusta said.

"They make a very lovely couple," Joyce said, watching as the two twirled around on the dance floor. "I just wish they had gotten married before starting on the making babies part."

* * *

**3. Lunch (Dragonball) and Thor (Marvel Cinematic Universe)**

"Ah, ah, ahchoo!" All the other SHIELD agents in the room froze as Lunch sneezed and went from good-blue hair to bad-blonde hair.

"Bless you!" Thor said.

"Bless me? You sayin' I done somethin' I need a priest for?" Lunch kicked Thor through a wall.

The ensuing battle lasted four hours (until another sneeze changed her back) had caused over three million dollars in damage. Thor offered to spar with Lunch anytime. The rest of SHIELD did their best to keep them apart.

* * *

**4. Diana Berrigan (White Collar) and Fox/Janine Renard (Gargoyles)**

The weekend after Christie broke up with her Diana went to a bar. It was there that she met a woman calling herself Fox (Diana agreed with the name, and not just because of the birthmark around her eye).

They met again the next weekend, and the weekend after that, and the one after that. Right before Diana worked up the courage to ask Fox out on an actual date, Fox introduced her to her husband, David Xanatos.

Diana didn't tell Fox about the (now definitely unrequited) crush she had on her.

* * *

**5. Trickster/Loki/Gabriel (Supernatural) and Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe)**

"You!" Loki screamed, pointing at the other man.

"Me?" Gabriel asked around his Tootsie Pop (it was experiment number three forty-seven in his quest to find the average amount of licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop).

"You are the reason they," Loki pointed at the Avengers, "think I gave birth to a horse! And a wolf!"

"Well, you agreed when you let me borrow your name that we could pull pranks on each other. 'May the best Trickster win!' you said. The whole world knows you as a horse-mother. I think I win."

Loki let out a frustrated yell and launched himself at Gabriel.

* * *

**6. Elizabeth Burke (White Collar) and Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock)**

Neal wasn't the first charming man she met. Peter wasn't either (and his attempts at charm failed miserably).

Sherlock Holmes moved into her mother's home on Baker Street a year before Elizabeth moved out. Elizabeth had spent more time with his older brother than with him or his roommate.

Mycroft Holmes was even more charming than his brother, and always agreed to be her taste tester when she needed one. When she left, he slipped her a number and told her to call if she ever needed anything.

Elizabeth didn't like doing it to Peter's mentor, Agent Kramer, but she called Mycroft and asked for help. Instead of Kramer and the Marshalls taking Neal into custody it was the Marshalls taking Kramer into custody.

Mycroft had found some very incriminating photos. Kramer spent the rest of his life in jail, and Neal was finally free of his anklet.


	5. Batch 2: 7-10

**Notes:** So, now Hank (Grimm) is in the know, but when Number 7 was written he hadn't been told yet.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS, Grimm, Supernatural, The Losers, Dragonball, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Harry Potter, Naruto, or anything related to them.

* * *

**7. Donald "Ducky" Mallard (NCIS) and Hank Griffin (Grimm)**

Ducky patted Detective Griffin on the shoulder.

"His face just...changed. I'm not crazy." Ducky may have been skipped, but he knew about Grimms and the things they chased. And Detective Griffin's partner had all the hallmarks of being one.

"I believe you. There's more than one old wives tale spread around the medical examiners." But if there was a reason Detective Burkhardt hadn't told him yet, Ducky wasn't about to go against him.

"This reminds me of a time in England when I was a lad. You see, I..." Time for a distraction; Burkhardt better appreciate this, because judging by the look on Gibbs' face, he didn't.

* * *

**8. John Winchester (Supernatural) and Max (The Losers)**

"Now I know what you look like. I'll be seeing you soon Max," Clay said. Then he smiled. "In fact, turn around." Max did, just in time to watch Franklin Clay sit next to him.

"Hello Max," Clay-next-to-him and Clay-on-the-phone said. John Winchester always came when his younger twin asked - even if they hadn't seen each other since they were kids and their parents divorced, taking one twin each - and even if Frank joined the Army instead of the Marines.

"How?"

"You're not the only one that has a twin," Clay-on-the-phone said. "Have fun with John. He's a serial killer." The phone call ended.

Actually, John was a hunter, chasing down demons, but Max didn't need to know that. It was another hunter that had gotten the information on Max being a pair of twins. Of course, being a hunter meant he was a good actor.

"Do you like to hunt? I like to hunt," John said, with the scariest psychopath grin he could manage. Sometimes acting the part of psycho could be fun.

Max let out a terrified giggle.

* * *

**9. Pilaf (Dragonball) and Nick Fury (Marvel Cinematic Universe)**

"I am Emperor Pilaf-!"

CRASH!

Hill looked through the Pilaf-shaped hole into Fury's office.

"Did you just kick him through the wall?" she asked.

"Find out how that little freak got in here," Fury told her. "And make sure you send someone to collect his little minions."

"Yes, sir."

"And get me some damn shoe shiner; I've got Emperor-Wanna-Be spit on my shoes. That'll ruin 'em."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

**10. Rolanda Hooch (Harry Potter) and Kurama/The Kyuubi (Naruto)**

Wizards really were stupider than ninja (and considering how stupid some ninja could be, that was saying something). Kurama had gotten away from the Land of Ninja and into the Land of Wizards, and somewhere along the line, he decided to hide as a she.

It was a Nara that the Leaf Village sent to find him. Nara's, unfortunately, were the geniuses of the Land of Ninja. Luckily for Kurama, wizards were stupid.

The Nara claimed Rolanda Hooch was the nine-tailed demon claimed he was merely Rolanda Hooch, Hogwarts Quidditch Instructor, and then pointed out the differences.

The fox was a male, Rolanda was a female.

The fox had red eyes, Rolanda had yellow eyes.

The fox was an energy construct, Rolanda was a human.

The fox had red 'fur', Rolanda had graying black hair.

The fox was also a deceiver, the Nara had claimed, but Rolanda Hooch was a trusted member of the Hogwarts Staff, and the Nara was sent away.


	6. Batch 2: 11-12

**Warnings:** Possible Character Death (but who cares about Umbridge anyway?)  
**Notes:** Number 12 is **not** in the same universe as Number 8.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Losers, or anything related to them.

* * *

**11. Delores Umbridge (Harry Potter) and Bruce Banner (Bruce and/or Hulk) (Marvel Cinematic Universe)**

Bruce was perfectly capable of drinking without hulking out. He was a happy drunk. Tony Stark (also drunk) putting a bright pink ballerina outfit on him while he was passed out, on the other hand, made Bruce hulk out when he woke up.

Hulk did not like pink. It didn't go well with his natural green skin tone.

Over the next two weeks, Bruce hulked out anytime he saw pink. Steve managed to save several more floors of the Avenger's Tower when he caught Tony trying to take pink paint upstairs to Bruce's floor. It took the Avengers three months to get Bruce to the point where he could deal with the color pink without hulking out.

Then the World Security Council sent Delores Umbridge to S.H.I.E.L.D. to evaluate everyone, including the Avengers. Bruce was called in last, and completely ignored the disgusted look Umbridge directed at him (it was similar to the one General Ross would give him), in favor of the room.

The bright pink room. The pink walls. The pink floor. The pink desk. The pink plates, with (occasionally pink) kittens on them. The pink clothes that Umbridge wore. Bruce couldn't handle it - he hulked out.

Apparently no one told Umbridge that Hulk didn't like the color pink.

* * *

**12. Howard Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) and Franklin Clay (The Losers)**

Howard Stark was as much of a playboy as his son Tony Stark ended up being, or at least he was before he met and married Maria. Meeting Maria happened later in his life, and by that time he was already paying child support to three different women, one of whom was Clay's mother.

Tony Stark had found out after Howard had died, and had tracked down all his half-siblings, wanting to meet them. Clay had only met Howard Stark once, but Tony had grown up to look just like him, while Clay looked more like his mother. Tony stark was also a seventeen-going-on-eighteen year old, while Clay was had just turned thirty. The other two of their siblings, Tony informed him, were twenty-six and twenty-one.

It didn't take long for Tony to convince him to go on a roadtrip to find Howard's other children. The trip hadn't been that bad, until Clay's 2IC, Roque, decided to join on their way back to California. Obidiah Stane had to bail them out of jail. Stane ended up doing a lot of that over the years. And then Pepper did.

And then twenty-five children in a hellicopter died, and Clay started gunning for Max.

They spent three days stuck in the country before Tony sent a private jet. It took JARVIS less than half the time of the flight to find Max, both of them. The Losers tagged along with the S.H.I.E.L.D. team that took the Maxes down, and Clay had never been more thankful that Howard Stark was his father.


	7. Batch 2: 13-16

**Warnings:** Non-Descriptive Child Abuse  
**Notes:** Number 14 was supposed to be from the Arkham Asylum/City games, but sounded more like the one from The Dark Knight, so it got changed. Last Chapter of Batch 2.  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, Sherlock, The Dark Knight, Criminal Minds, Pirates of the Caribbean, Firefly, or anything related to them.

* * *

**13. Vernon and Petunia Dursley (Harry Potter) and DI Grey Lestrade (Sherlock)**

DI Lestrade was not a member of the Little Whining Police Force, but when accusations of corruption and bribery come into play, several people, very good at their job, get sent to deal with any active cases while internal affairs checks things out.

Lestrade had closed ten major cases and several more minor ones over the course of the last two and a half years, so he got sent to Little Whining. Sherlock had decided to tag along, and had brought John with him.

"Boring," Sherlock said, reading over the files. "Boring. Boring. Boring." Every time he said 'boring' he threw another case file in a box. "Boring. Boring. Bore-" Lestrade and John both looked up to see why Sherlock had stopped. Neither of them had seen Sherlock Angry before.

Annoyed, Irritated, and Bored Out of His Mind, yes, but never Angry. It was a terrifying look. If Donovan or Anderson had seen it, they would never taunt Sherlock again.

"Sherlock?" John asked.

"We need to go to Privet Drive," Sherlock said, slamming the case file on the desk. "A little boy is being abused."

Vernon Dursley did not come quietly.

He had gotten a lucky hit against Lestrade, but when he tried to hit Sherlock, he quickly found his shoulder dislocated and his arm pulled behind his back. His loud cursing and yelling attracted the attention of the neighbors.

"Ma'am, you need to get in the car too," Lestrade told Petunia, through the towel he was holding against his nose. "Your son and nephew are being taken to the hospital to be checked out." The nephew was the worst off, beaten black and blue, while the son didn't look to be hurt, but wouldn't stop crying.

"A boy is nearly killed by his uncle and none of you notice? Pathetic," they heard Sherlock say to the gathered neighbors outside.

Lestrade would certainly never forget this case. Neither would the people of Privet Drive. Several of the children would become DIs and Constables themselves, and through them fifty-four child abuse cases would be fettered out and dealt with.

* * *

**14. The Joker (The Dark Knight) and Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)**

"Would you like to know how I got these scars?" was the scariest question Spencer had ever been asked. The Joker smiled. Spencer was curious, but not that curious.

"Not particularly," Spencer said, happy that the Joker was on the other side of the glass. The Joker pouted.

"Why not?"

"You have a habit of causing damage to those you tell," Spencer Joker tilted his head to the side and then shrugged.

"Some people just don't have a sense of humor," he said.

* * *

**15. Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) and Tia Dalma/Calypso (Pirates of the Caribbean)**

Some people saw Luna Lovegood as strange. They just didn't know her family history. Davy Jones and Calypso had one child together, a daughter, before Calypso broke Davy's heart.

That daughter married and had a son, who married and had a daughter, who married and had a daughter, who married and had Luna's mother, who married her father, and had Luna.

Voldemort and Dumbledore had no idea of what was against them when Luna sided with Harry Potter. Luna was, after all, a daughter of the sea, and it was hard to get away from the sea when you lived on a tiny little island.

* * *

**16. James Potter (Harry Potter) and Malcolm Reynolds (Firefly)**

James Potter and Malcolm Reynolds had both been Brown Coats. When James married and settled down, Mal understood. Zoe stepped up and became his second-in-command and the war went on. After the war ended, Mal went to visit James, and somehow ended up as second godfather to his son, Harry.

Then the first godfather betrayed James and his wife, Lily, and they were dead, but little Harry survived. Some crazy old man demanded the child be placed with Lily's relatives, but Mal had met them once, and that was one time more than enough, so he took custody, and took Harry aboard his newly bought firefly.

"Welcome to Serenity, kid," was followed shortly by, "What the hell am I doing?"


End file.
